Shouting vs Whispering

I've decided to drop the hot politics behind MH370 (for a while at least) and focus on something from my life. My father's been retired for quite some years and he's taken a really laid back approach to life.

Yesterday, he accompanied me to my dental appointment and we made small talk on the way. It's not unusual but most couples in their 50s to 60s have very little communication with one another, causing lots of misunderstanding.

Being somewhat a logical person, I advised my father to sit down calmly with my mother, and talk things out with her. I said:

Let her know what you are going through. She can't understand what you are going through because you never tell her. You also don't know what she's going through because you never ask her. You're not psychic and neither is she. You guys need to talk to each other calmly. You have to try to understand what you're each going through. Arguing doesn't improve the situation. 

My father started ranting and just could not focus on finding a solution. I realize my mother is the same. When I told him shouting makes things worse he says:

If I'm shouting then she should get the message already.

I was shocked that he would think so.  When I asked him if he got what mum wanted when she shouted, he just continued his rant, ignoring my comment (yeah children's opinions never do matter, do they).

I once read a very meaningful saying about shouts and whispers. It roughly goes like:

Monk 1: Why do people need to shout? And when you are shouted at, why is it hard for us to listen?  

Monk 2: The heart is timid and shy. When you are angry, the heart moves far away. So shouting is needed to cover the distance. But shouting only makes the heart move farther away. It causes misunderstanding.  

Monk 1: Then what should we do? 

Monk 2: The heart is also a curious creature. When we whisper softly and with kindness, the heart leanscloser to hear us. That is why sometimes, words are not even necessary for people to understand one another. 

I often remind myself not to be harsh to my loved ones because I remember this. When you calmly talk it over with your loved ones, they will (and should) try to understand what you are going through. Your message will be sent successfully. I know it doesn't always happen that way but we should never stop making the world a better place. Want a miracle? Be the miracle. :) Love will find a way.