Fighting

One thing that is bound to happen when you're in a relationship is arguing. It seems that the closer you are to somebody, the more liable you are to arguing. You can argue about the smallest issues.

Arguing in a relationship can create 2 vastly different results. The first would be to strengthen your relationship. The other is to weaken it.

Let's say that you and your partner are discussing an issue. Your partner keeps saying his part; why he's unhappy, why he's pissed off, why he's in pain and why the argument is going on. When this happens, what should you do?

This point is really really important and you should do this whenever your partner is talking. LISTEN TO HIM. It is not easy to speak up sometimes. Bare in mind that what he has to say is very important. You are an important person to him so you get the perks of listening in on stuff other people may not get to listen in on. He could choose to lie to you but he did not, so anything he say is worth listening to.

Second point is to keep an open mind. When you argue with a person, it means something went wrong somewhere. Often times, both parties are at fault. Be ready to admit your mistake if you really did have one. Do not be motivated to "win" the fight aka kiasu. What is more important, your partner or your pride?

Third point is don't lie. Why? When you lie, you have to lie a second time to cover your previous, and so on. Your relationship will be bound by so much lies that if he ever finds out the truth, the shock will be too much. It's always good to be honest. If you really love the person, you will be honest to him and vice versa. Communication is very important.

Fourthly, don't be a hypocrite. Don't expect your partner to do something when you won't do it yourself. And since your partner can do it, there's no real reason you shouldn't at least try. Following this fourth point can prevent arguments on small issues.


Have you ever thought of why when you argue, words never seem to be able to penetrate your partner? No matter how loud your voice is, no matter how frustrated you are?

Imagine the heart as a very timid and shy creature. In truth, our heart really is. Everyone is afraid of being rejected, being hurt, etc etc. It takes us a while to trust in a person and love the person.

So when you argue and shout, the heart of your partner takes up a 'fight or flight' stance. Your partner's heart will move farther away and shout back. Then you heart will go through the process too and put it on repeat. Distance is created between 2 person's bonding when such violent argument breaks out.

So what do you do to entice a shy and timid creature like your heart? Sit down with it. Talk to it calmly. Do not be afraid to tell it your feelings. When you speak softly, the heart will lean in closer to hear you. His heart will want to be in the close proximity of your heart to share pain and fix problems. Don't let problems keep you apart. Solving problems calmly and productively together makes your hearts closer to each others.


In a fight, there's no real winner or loser, because both parties will get hurt. Is it a real victory when you go to your corner and lick your wound while your partner is also feeling depressed about arguing?

Go for the win-win method. When you have a problem, talk about it. Never keep it in your heart because it will rot and fester. When that happens you will be unbelievably angry at your partner and you won't be able to talk without shouting. In fact, it can fester so badly that you can forget the real reason why you're shouting.


This goes especially for parents. When you argue your children will suffer too. They will feel depressed because their parents are not ok with each other. It also sets a bad example for your children. They might think who speaks the loudest win. Teach them to talk and compromise. If you're already asking your children to do that, don't be a hypocrite. If they can do it, why can't you? You're suppose to be older and wiser because you're an adult. Show a good example and act like one.